Sitting in the awkward - Sunday Surprise [13-July-25]

Sometimes, all you can do is let things take their course

Hello there!

First off, sincerely apologies for missing the issue last week - it’s been a hectic week of travel. It was especially unfortunate since I actually had the draft ready to send but being in the air made it impossible to actually do it.

So this week, I’ll pretend to travel back in time and next week, I’ll catch you up to speed on what’s been happening while I’m here in the US (actually sitting at SFO right now typing this!)

How have you been the past 2 weeks?? Hit “reply” and let me know! Housekeeping stuff below as usual!

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Sitting in the awkwardness

This week’s story takes us back—over six years ago, in fact.

(Cue harp/time-warp sound effect)

I accidentally found myself wedged in the middle of a professional miscommunication—one of those painfully human situations where no one is exactly at fault, and yet someone still walks away hurt.

There were two colleagues—let’s call them Doctor A and Doctor B.

It was late in the evening. Doctor A was finishing up the last of his urgent cases when a call came through: a life-threatening emergency that needed to be done immediately, even if it meant interrupting Doctor A mid-flow. Doctor B was the one on call for this case.

We prepped the emergency case for Doctor B in the OR, but things didn’t move quickly. Not because Doctor B was slow or disorganised, but because the system (bless it) threw every possible wrench into the gears—delayed test results, sluggish transport, even a delay in reaching Doctor B to come in.

Eventually, we got going. Meanwhile, Doctor A—waiting in the cold OR break room—wanted to know what was taking so long. I explained: test results, logistics, communication delays. Classic case of: it’s the system, not the person.

But something didn’t land.

Because shortly after, Doctor A went directly to Doctor B—frustrated, blunt, and, if I’m honest, pretty confrontational. And not just at some point later. While Doctor B was still operating.

After the surgery, they had a heated discussion outside the OR. Somehow, Doctor B walked away believing I had blamed them for all the delays — not what I said at all!

And suddenly, I was no longer the helpful explainer. I was part of the problem.

Doctor B left the hospital visibly upset. Meanwhile, I stayed back to help complete the remaining cases with Doctor A and quietly checked in with the team to debrief and gauge how everyone was doing. Later, I tried to escalate my version of events to the senior team—hoping to clarify, to advocate, to fix—but no one walked away feeling like they got resolution.

Over the years, I’ve learned that even explaining a tough situation can backfire. Sometimes, “if you have nothing good to say, say nothing” applies to context, too.

I didn’t feel like I’d done anything wrong. I’d tried to help two colleagues understand each other. But the result? An unresolved, uncomfortable tension that lived quietly in the background of my professional memory.

I hadn’t worked with either doctor in years.

Until this week.

Doctor B and I were scheduled to spend an entire day together in the OR. The first thing they did after I said hello? Bring up that incident from all those years ago.

Cue the awkwardness.

As the day went on, Doctor B made a few remarks. Subtle. Sharpened just enough to sting. I took a deep breath and calmly reiterated what I’d said at the time—just the facts.

More awkwardness.

But then… a little small talk. A comment here. A question there. Then, somehow, things felt… tentatively amicable?

The tension never fully disappeared. But it shifted. From eggshells to cautious professionalism. Less “don’t breathe wrong”, more “let’s just not say anything controversial today.”

I was dreading how the day would go. And at first, my worst fears seemed confirmed. But over time, something unexpected happened.

It thawed.

Turns out, if you’ve done all you can—clarified, taken responsibility, stayed kind—the only thing left is to sit in the awkwardness and give it time. Time doesn’t fix everything. But sometimes, it dulls the sharpness. Sometimes, awkwardness just needs to be lived through before it can pass.

What Now?

Here’s the part that stuck with me:

I did try.
I did offer clarity.
I did see where everyone was coming from.

And yet… the outcome still sucked.

That’s what I’ve been chewing on: the art of sitting in the unresolved.

Not fixing. Not explaining (again). Not gaslighting yourself with “should haves.” You can do everything “right,” and it still might go sideways.

That doesn’t mean you failed. It just means you’re in a human system, with emotional humans, doing their best.

So the next time you find yourself in a tangle of misunderstandings, maybe don’t rush to untie every knot. Maybe sit with it. Let it thaw out…

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Interesting reads

• 5 years of medical mystery solved in minutes with AI — this could be a sign of things to come in medicine where in the future AI serves as an assistant in diagnosing future conditions. Just a word of warning against using Google/ChatGPT as a source of truth — in my experience, it hallucinates quite often, so please don’t use it to self-diagnose!

• What if there’s nothing wrong with you? — this is something I read that’s adjacent to the topic of the story. It asks if the self-help genre is part of the problem?

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Cool finds

Meta Quest 3s*

I have the previous generation, but I tried the updated version at my cousin’s house—and wow, it’s had a serious upgrade! For a few hundred dollars, it matches the core experience of the Apple Vision Pro that costs thousands of dollars, right down to the hand gestures as interaction!

While games are the obvious use for VR, this version can also do AR and with the app, be able to replace a multi-screen setup but just with a headset! The image quality isn’t as sharp as the Vision Pro or Quest 3*, but for the price, it’s certainly provides bang for buck!

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Weekly Update

This is technically the update from 2 weeks ago… but here it is:

• Multiple trips this week to distant hospitals about 1 hr out of Melbourne. One of them I hadn’t visited in at least a year! There’s been so many changes, that I almost couldn’t figure out where to go in that time

• Bad news that worked out well — I was meant to do 2 surgical lists on Thursday, but one of the surgeons cancelled their list, meaning I had this last-minute time in my schedule that I couldn’t productively use. As it turned out, one of our cases took much longer than expected that morning so I avoided a lot of stress by having that extra bit of breathing room

• Second incident of bad to good was letting that awkward situation thaw out…

• Packing again for travel — I feel like I just got into my rhythm properly but already it’s time to pack

• Realised I’m not really stressed most of the time, but when I am, my sleep schedule becomes very strange…

  

As always, pics and more over on the blog…

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That’s it for this week’s time-warp edition of the Sunday Surprise. Next week, will catch you up on the adventures in the US and what exactly I’ve been up to…

See you then!

— Raffy

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